she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
