i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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