There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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