dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Randomize
