He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
