I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
