bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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