Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
