the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
