My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
