this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
