dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
