I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
