I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
