the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
