I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
