Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
