Can i not drive my cunt home
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
