forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
