How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
