I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
smell my finger.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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