You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
