handjob tips. give me some.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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