We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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