Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
