Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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