I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
