i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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