If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
