A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
