U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
