how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
