I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
