You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
