3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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