really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
