Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Randomize
