I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
