he wants to bone in the snuggie
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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