i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
