I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
