so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
