i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
