Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
