You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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