sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
