Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
