we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
