Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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