There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
